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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Running
Mother
More quotes by George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
George Carlin
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
George Carlin
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George Carlin
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
George Carlin
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
George Carlin
That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
George Carlin
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
George Carlin
