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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dog
Sleep
Hogs
Slaughtered
Hog
Cows
Cats
Dogs
Cat

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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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The status quo sucks.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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