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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Nothing
Coincidence
Irony
Opposites
Deals
More quotes by George Carlin
I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
George Carlin
Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin
All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
George Carlin
In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
George Carlin
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
George Carlin
Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
George Carlin
Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
George Carlin
When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
George Carlin
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
George Carlin
