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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Irony
Opposites
Deals
Nothing
Coincidence

More quotes by George Carlin

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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
George Carlin
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
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Life is a series of dogs.
George Carlin
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
George Carlin
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
George Carlin
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
George Carlin
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
George Carlin
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin