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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Begins
Began
Process
Years
Life
Continuous
People
Billion
Conception
Billions

More quotes by George Carlin

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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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