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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Begins
Began
Process
Years
Life
Continuous
People
Billion
Conception
Billions

More quotes by George Carlin

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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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