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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Conception
Billions
Begins
Began
Process
Years
Life
Continuous
People
Billion

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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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