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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Begins
Began
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Life
Continuous
People
Billion
Conception
Billions
More quotes by George Carlin
All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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