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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Continuous
People
Billion
Conception
Billions
Begins
Began
Process
Years

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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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