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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Real
Whiskey
Men
Apparently
Husband
Drink
Small
Bigs
Quart
Woman
Battered
Happens
Husbands
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Hooray for most things!
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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