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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Happens
Husbands
Real
Whiskey
Men
Apparently
Husband
Drink
Small
Bigs
Quart
Woman
Battered
More quotes by George Carlin
There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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