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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Happens
Husbands
Real
Whiskey
Men
Apparently
Husband
Drink
Small
Bigs
Quart
Woman
Battered
More quotes by George Carlin
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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