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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Doesn
Persons
Person
Right
Torture
Something
Upset
Really
Findings
Way
Finding
Good
Pretty

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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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