Quote

Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Give
Infection
Wells
Alcohol
Well
Sick
Giving
Arms
Hell
Guy
Point
Injection
True
Lethal

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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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