Quote

Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Well
Sick
Giving
Arms
Hell
Guy
Point
Injection
True
Lethal
Give
Infection
Wells
Alcohol

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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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