Quote

Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Give
Infection
Wells
Alcohol
Well
Sick
Giving
Arms
Hell
Guy
Point
Injection
True
Lethal

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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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