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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Every
Time
Life
Phrase
Phrases
Meaning
Use
Different

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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Religion is just mind control.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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