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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
Life is a series of dogs.
George Carlin
Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
George Carlin
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
George Carlin
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
George Carlin
In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
George Carlin
Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
George Carlin
Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
George Carlin
