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George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin

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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
George Carlin
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
George Carlin
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
George Carlin
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
George Carlin
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
George Carlin
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
George Carlin
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin