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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Real
Gonna
View
Ones
Views
Point
Tell
Cynics
Everything
Confuse
Right
Cynicism

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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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No comment is a comment.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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