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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Point
Tell
Cynics
Everything
Confuse
Right
Cynicism
Real
Gonna
View
Ones
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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