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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Everything
Confuse
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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