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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Tell
Cynics
Everything
Confuse
Right
Cynicism
Real
Gonna
View
Ones
Views
Point

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The status quo sucks.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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