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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Looking
Caps
Thing
Park
People
Parks
Wearing
Pictures
Players
Baseball
Player
Nicest

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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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