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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Yeast
Bake
Infection
Bread
Dancing
Told
Woman
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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