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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Woman
Yeast
Bake
Infection
Bread
Dancing
Told

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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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