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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thing
Saws
Wonder
Born
Makes
Hairy
Doesn
Pussy
Firsts
Indians
First
Named
Sometimes
Aren
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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