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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Wonder
Born
Makes
Hairy
Doesn
Pussy
Firsts
Indians
First
Named
Sometimes
Aren
Thing
Saws
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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