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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cause
Causes
Show
Doesn
Shows
Something
Cancer
Market

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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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