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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cancer
Market
Cause
Causes
Show
Doesn
Shows
Something

More quotes by George Carlin

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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
George Carlin
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin