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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Something
Cancer
Market
Cause
Causes
Show
Doesn
Shows

More quotes by George Carlin

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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
George Carlin
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
George Carlin
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
George Carlin