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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cancer
Market
Cause
Causes
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Doesn
Shows
Something

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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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