Quote

A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Course
Loner
Came
Catch
Guy
Killed
Times
Twenty
Everyone
Twenties
Wells
Contact
Well
Seven
People
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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