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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
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Loner
Came
Catch
Guy
Killed
Times
Twenty
Everyone
Twenties
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Contact
Well
Seven

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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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Religion is just mind control.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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