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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Food
Cuisine
Word
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Used
Eighty
Whenever
Prepared
Pay
Percent
Instead
More quotes by George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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