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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Law
Feelings
Didn
Cop
Traffic
Laws

More quotes by George Carlin

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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin