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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cop
Traffic
Laws
Law
Feelings
Didn

More quotes by George Carlin

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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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Hooray for most things!
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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