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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Didn
Cop
Traffic
Laws
Law
Feelings

More quotes by George Carlin

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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
George Carlin
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
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You never see a smiling runner.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
George Carlin
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
George Carlin