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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Best
Elimination
Dishonesty
Comedian
Honesty
Second
Policy

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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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No comment is a comment.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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