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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Policy
Best
Elimination
Dishonesty
Comedian
Honesty
Second
More quotes by George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
George Carlin
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin
To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
