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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Elimination
Dishonesty
Comedian
Honesty
Second
Policy
Best

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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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