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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dishonesty
Comedian
Honesty
Second
Policy
Best
Elimination

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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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