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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Honesty
Second
Policy
Best
Elimination
Dishonesty
Comedian

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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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