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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Less
Years
Time
Testament
Thousands
Anymore
Calling
Start

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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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