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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Years
Time
Testament
Thousands
Anymore
Calling
Start
Less

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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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