Quote

The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Testament
Thousands
Anymore
Calling
Start
Less
Years

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
Image
Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
Image
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
Image
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
George Carlin
Image
The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
Image
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
Image
For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
George Carlin
Image
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
Image
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
Image
Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
Image
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
Image
Life is a series of dogs.
George Carlin
Image
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
Image
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
George Carlin
Image
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Image
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
Image
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
Image
I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
Image
The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
Image
The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
George Carlin