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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Brew
Dollar
Gun
Cross
Crosses
Dollars
Keys
America

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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Life is not that complicated.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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