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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dollars
Keys
America
Brew
Dollar
Gun
Cross
Crosses

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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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Hooray for most things!
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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The status quo sucks.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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