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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Crosses
Dollars
Keys
America
Brew
Dollar
Gun
Cross

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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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