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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dollars
Keys
America
Brew
Dollar
Gun
Cross
Crosses
More quotes by George Carlin
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
George Carlin
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
George Carlin
Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
George Carlin
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
George Carlin
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
George Carlin
They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
