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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Brew
Dollar
Gun
Cross
Crosses
Dollars
Keys
America
More quotes by George Carlin
Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Hooray for most things!
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
