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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Language
Obscenity
Problem
Superstition
Ideas
Superstitions
Whole
Caused
Thing
Basic
Things
Religious
Whatever
Idea
Indecency
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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