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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Uncaring
Incompetent
Viewed
Figure
Figures
Father
Best
Nothing

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Life is a series of dogs.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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