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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Nothing
Uncaring
Incompetent
Viewed
Figure
Figures
Father
Best
More quotes by George Carlin
Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
George Carlin
hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
George Carlin
We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
George Carlin
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin