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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Father
Best
Nothing
Uncaring
Incompetent
Viewed
Figure
Figures

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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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