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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Abortions
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Homosexuals
Catholics
Homosexual
Abortion
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Anyone
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You never see a smiling runner.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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