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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Less
Think
Abortions
Thinking
Homosexuals
Catholics
Homosexual
Abortion
Catholic
Anyone

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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