Quote

I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Father
Eventually
Warnings
Think
Smoke
Lung
Thinking
General
Cough
People
Pieces
Jerk
Turn
Tobacco
Small
Lungs
Turns
Warning
Point
Alcohol

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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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