Quote

I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Point
Alcohol
Father
Eventually
Warnings
Think
Smoke
Lung
Thinking
General
Cough
People
Pieces
Jerk
Turn
Tobacco
Small
Lungs
Turns
Warning

More quotes by George Carlin

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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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