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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Alcohol
Point
Eventually
Warnings
Father
Smoke
Lung
Think
General
Cough
Thinking
Pieces
Jerk
People
Turn
Tobacco
Small
Lungs
Warning
Turns

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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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