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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Smoke
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People
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Alcohol
More quotes by George Carlin
No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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