Quote

I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Point
Alcohol
Father
Eventually
Warnings
Think
Smoke
Lung
Thinking
General
Cough
People
Pieces
Jerk
Turn
Tobacco
Small
Lungs
Turns
Warning

More quotes by George Carlin

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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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