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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Father
Eventually
Warnings
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Smoke
Lung
Thinking
General
Cough
People
Pieces
Jerk
Turn
Tobacco
Small
Lungs
Turns
Warning
Point
Alcohol
More quotes by George Carlin
Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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