Quote

I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinking
General
Cough
People
Pieces
Jerk
Turn
Tobacco
Small
Lungs
Turns
Warning
Point
Alcohol
Father
Eventually
Warnings
Think
Smoke
Lung

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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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Language always gives you away.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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